Let’s say you’ve met your dream girl and she is beautiful, smart, and funny. Whether you are told right away or after a few weeks, you will soon come to find that she has a bit of a secret, and that is that she has a child (or maybe two). Dating someone with kids involves more than just you and her, you also need to take her child into consideration.
Navigating a relationship with someone who has a child can be difficult, and it is not for everyone, but it is possible. Before you begin dating a single mom or taking your relationship to the next level, be sure to take a few things into consideration.
Pros and cons of dating a single mom
If you happen to begin dating a woman with kids, you might be asking yourself, “is dating a girl with a kid a bad idea?” As with anything in life, there are both pros and cons to dating women with kids.
- They aren’t afraid of commitment: Dating single mothers means that you are dating someone who has learned to take care of another human. This means that they have learned commitment, and will be able to use this knowledge in your relationship as well.
- They won’t waste your time: If you are dating someone with a child you know they won’t be wasting your time. If they don’t see a future between the two of you, then they will most likely let you know.
- They are usually over the “party stage”: Since they will need to take care of their child, they are less likely to want to go out and have sex with a bunch of random people. Instead, dating single moms usually entail dating someone who is looking for a stable relationship.
- They are patient: Having a child is something that will test anyone’s patience, but it will also teach a woman true patience. She can bring this into your relationship.
- They are selfless: No woman knows the true act of being selfless until becoming a mother. She will treat you with love and care because she is used to doing so for her children.
- The child’s father: Although many single mothers actually have a good relationship with their ex, all do not. This can mean drama for the woman you are dating and possibly drama for you. She will be involved with this man by the connection of her child forever. This means that regardless of how he acts, he will be in her life.
- Don’t plan for a wild night: If you are someone who enjoys going out on a crazy night or trips to vegas, you may need to reconsider. When dating a girl with kids you may be on your own for crazy nights because she needs to be a good role model for her children.
- You may not get along with her kids: If you do end up meeting and spending time with her children, they may not like you. Alternatively, you may also not like them! It is good to note that if you do not get along with her children, the relationship probably won’t work out.
- She may not want to have more children: If becoming a parent to your own biological children is important to you, that might be an issue for her. She may not want any more children because she already has a few of her own. This needs to be discussed ahead of time, so it won’t be a surprise down the road.
- You will have to step into a parent role eventually: Even if you typically like children, when you participate in single mom dating, there is the possibility that you will eventually become a step-parent. This is pretty normal in today’s society, but you do need to make sure this is something you are comfortable with.
Tips for successful dates
Dating as a single mom isn’t easy. If you are looking to begin dating a girl with kids, then there are a few things you need to keep in mind to make both of your lives easier and to help the relationship bloom.
1. Understand dating as a single mom is different
Dating a single mom is much different from dating someone who does not have children. Any mom has limited time and energy because they put so much into their children. Typically dating a single mom will also show you how strong a woman can truly be.
2. Be understanding
Always be sure to be flexible when dating a single mom. There might be nights where you have plans together and the babysitter falls through or a child gets sick. Try to be flexible and understanding rather than angry in these situations.
3. Do not discipline her kids
If you decide to date a girl with kids then let her handle all the disciplining of her kids. The only time you can go against this is if she goes out of her way to ask for help. If you are worried about one of her children’s behavior then do so in private, and away from the child first.
4. Do not become involved in drama with her child’s father
Not all parents can manage co-parenting in a healthy way, especially if they are exes. If she has tension with her child’s father, the best thing you can do is to stay out of it.
5. Take it slow
Give your relationship time to develop slowly, and do not rush anything. Avoiding rushing to live together or get married. You need to realize that you will be living with her child as well when you do this. Develop trust, take it slow, and let your relationship move naturally.
6. Understand you will never be her number 1 priority
Dating a woman with kids means that her top priority will always be her children. In the past, you may have understood how much a woman liked you based on the effort they put in, but it is different when dating a single mom. You will always be number 2, and you may not be able to see her as much as you want to.
7. Do not cheat on her
Many single mothers have dealt with infidelity, or have been in negative situations in the past with their exes. If you start to feel distant, do not cheat on her. Instead respectively back out of the relationship without hurting any feelings or damaging emotions.
8. Don’t force a relationship with her kids
Although you might want to develop a relationship with her kids, do not pressure them to accept you. Children do not want to be forced into liking someone who appears to be taking the role of their father figure. As long as you are kind to them, eventually, they will most likely come around and begin accepting you. Until then, try to take it slow and let them come to you.
9. Support her emotionally
Being a single mom is difficult. Not only does she need to provide for her children, but she also will have to be there for them emotionally. Providing emotional support to her will be invaluable and also create a stronger bond between the two of you.
10. Take time to get to know her separately from her kids
When dating a woman with children you may start to see her as an identity connected to her children. Before she had children she had her own identity as well, and this is still inside of her. It will mean a lot to her if you get to know her separately from her children and fall in love with the independent woman she is.
Should you date a woman with kids?
If you have already met a wonderful woman with kids, then you will need to decide if it is a dealbreaker, or if you can handle it. Deep down you will know whether or not this is something you can take on, but you should still compare the pros and cons. Remember, pursuing this relationship is not only with her but with her children as well.